Thursday, November 18, 2010
ObsessedWhy is it that we always fail to see the ones that are closest to us? Were we really blinded by love? Or is it simply an innate need to challenge ourselves and try to get what we cannot have? So much so that we tend to neglect the ones right before our eyes.
Perhaps if we just stopped and took a look around us, we will see the people there waiting for us. Waiting for us to acknowledge their presence and finally appreciate them.
Alot of us spend our entire lives chasing after clouds and wisps of smoke that we can never grasp and never see the ones helping us everytime we fall in our never ending chase.
Everyone has friends. It's just whether you see them. It's just whether you ever stopped to reach out to them, and tell them you will do the same for them if they ever fail.
Whenever you are most depressed, look through your phonebook. SOMEONE will be there for you to listen to your troubles. Even the least likely one that you have never felt that you are close to. They just might surprise you.
Know that at least someone out there cares.
At least I do.
I love you, girl. Stay strong.
xoxo Nikki
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:04 PM
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Dreams Are What Makes Living WorthwhileWhen we were young, we believed in anything. Impossible was uncomprehensible. A blanket over the shoulders and we were kings and queens and superman. A blanket over our heads we were in our secret hidaway in a cave.
My point is, when we were young, dreams came true. We believed in everything and we made things come true. We believed we could be anything we wanted to be, go wherever we wanted to go. There are no limits. We believed in magic, in fairytales, in dreams come true.
But somewhere along the way, we lost that believe. As we grew older, that innocence is shattered. Reality set in. Life kicks in and you realize, you can't be EVERYTHING you wanted to be. There ARE things out there that's impossible to achieve.
Somewhere, along the way, we stopped believing.
Why did we stop believing? Do children have more ambition that adults? Or more ignorance? Men dreamt of going to the moon, we did it. Not EVERYONE went on to the moon. But we proved it was possible. So what else have you dreamt of that is impossible?
Does impossiblity only belong to those who did not dare to dream? They say only the perfect looking can ever be stars. What about Susan Boyle? She dreamt. She's living her dreams now. That only the stick-thin can be models. Tell me, are the VS models stick-thin?
You say these are exceptions. They got lucky. But they dared to try and they dared to dream. Do you? By saying it's impossible, you are limiting yourself from your dreams. Who knew you could teach guys to pick girls up and earn a living from it? Look at Spidey and Mystery and all those PUAs out there.
What I'm saying is. Dream. And don't stop dreaming. NEVER stop dreaming.
Of course, there are ridiculous dreams such as wanting to be a frog, or a fish. Or a mermaid. Impossiblity will go hand in hand with Laziness and Wishfulness. If it had a third hand, it would be holding on to Ridiculous.
So keep your feet planted firmly in reality. And Dream, of the Impossible.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:43 AM
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I Love Me!!!Staying at home has been concluded as being unconducive to my well-being.
But whatever.
Point is... I went out with Carmen darling today!!!
Was supposed to watch Inception with her friends, but all the shows that they can make for are sold out. Then by the time we got around to deciding that we will just forget about her friends and watch ourselves, ALL the shows are out. =(
In the end we ate at Shokudo and then shopped around 313. We got ourselves so freaking tired we were stoning and dragging out feets around. Haha... So we went home! Had fun fun fun today though!
Home seems to be associated with unhappy feelings. I guess its because for a very long time I have been depressed at home. I feel like I should get over it. But Carmen says I ought to take it slow and let things be for awhile cause eventually they will right themselves out. I should ease myself out of it instead of expecting instant results.
But the more I'm rutting, the more I'm afraid it's going to be harder to get out.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:08 PM
Friday, July 16, 2010
Lack of ConfidenceI hate my life now. I feel so bitter all the time and there is no purpose in my life. I don't know what to do with myself.
Seriously, sometimes I wonder what am I living for. Everything just seem to keep going wrong. For a moment last time, I thought things were finally making a change for the better. But now it seems things are going downhill again.
I hate the fact that things are out of my control. I really think I should change my mindset and the things that I am centering my life around. But if I really be honest with myself, I don't really want to change.
I'm too tired to change. I feel like I have been trying so hard for so long I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like even if I change nothing will be different.
My life right now is meaningless. No friend or boyfriend is going to make me feel differently about this. I'm too tired to attempt to improve my life.
I'm in a rut.
And I just feel like dying.
I don't know what to do with myself and most of the time I feel like just breaking down and crying. I'm just living day to day in a dream trying to pull myself through. But if I were really serious with myself, it's not working.
I keep wanting to go out. I hate my house. There are so many things in my home that I cannot stand. But when I'm out, I just want to go and hide. I don't want to keep pretending to be fine with my friends. But at the same time, I don't want to be alone. I don't know what to do.
I really really really want all of these to just stop. Can't all these bad things just stop? I mean really stop and don't come back. It was getting better but then now it just started to get worse.
I'm so frustrated and I really want to just cry. But it's not going to make anything better.
I feel like killing myself.
Please just stop being mean to me. I can't take this anymore.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
6:24 PM
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
How Can It Be?I don't understand why none of you can see it. It seems glaringly obvious to me.
When I look in the mirror all I see is the scar. I know I'm rutting. But seriously. I don't see why you can't see it.
Sometimes I wonder how can I live with myself like that? Trudging through life. I cannot step out of my own shadow.
It hurts to see him happy. Not cause I'm jealous. I just don't think he deserves this happiness. I don't think he deserves to be happy. If he don't suffer, I feel like it's unjustified.
I'm suffering. For his actions.
I'm I getting back into depression again?
Seems like it. But I don't think so. My life now is perfect. The only flaw is the asshole. Now if I can get him to return me my money...
Perfectness can only be so good.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
8:06 PM
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Me In The MirrorI have this image in my head.
I'm standing naked in front of my mirror. I'm flabergasted and disgusted by my scars. I lift up a pair of scissors and plunge it in me.
So now tell me again.
Why am I afraid of falling asleep at night?
I'm scared.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:16 AM
Friday, May 07, 2010
An Exciting Life.Wheee!!! My life is getting more fun! Received $800 in the form of Bursary
Reimbursement and I can finally change my phone! =D
Pre-ordered the White
BlackBerry Bold 9700. I can't wait to get it!!! My poor phone is already in an unusable state. =(
Oh... And yesterday I fell down outside the Malaysian Customs at 2
nd Link. So embarrassing... But at least I was in too much pain to feel embarrassed immediately. =X I was stunned until we boarded the bus again and
Qiyuan roused me by cleaning the wound for me. =X
I'm so so so sleepy...
ZzZzZ...
Currently I have many plans that are on-going. Hopefully, all of them can go through. So very very tired though.
Haiz...
Oh ya... I do not understand why until now you have not changed. Things are still my fault huh? It never is your fault.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
5:18 PM
