Friday, June 22, 2007
I Miss You, Carmen!!!OMG... carmen when u read m blog and see this... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact me ok? i noe i'm a dumdum so i cant think of anyway else... keeping my fingers crossed for u to read this...
u got ur phone back? cant sms? or call me then... i udn have ur home number!!! i miss u so much u noe?
SO DAMN LONG NV SEE U LE!!!!!the time we met up was to watch 200 pounds beauty... and thats econs ago!!!!
u MUZ contact me if u see this ok? even if itz juz to leave a taggy.. budden u gotta check back for my reply la...ok? now ur hols should be over le ba... or over soon.... MUZ CONTACT!!! i miss u so darn lots....
okok?
i love u.... =D
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:21 PM
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Romance
hmmm... i think i'm probably one of the most romantic person i noe... i mean i always come up with weird ideas on wad to do to pamper ur loved ones... i think i'm so sappy... haha..
but ironically... my bf is probably THE least romantic person i noe... haiz... =x
how i define romance...
the act of buying sth juz for the sake of buying cuz it will make her smile...
the act of doing sth cuz u noe she thinks itz sweet...
the fact that it doesnt matter how stupid u look doing it cuz u noe it makes her feel loved..
the fact that u rmb everything she says no matter how trival cuz thats how impt she is to u...
i dun think there's a need for roses and fine dining... unless ur gal is into that kind of thing... juz four things... i think they are very impt in romance... i dun think itz difficult... and i dun think thats asking too much... and i think itz super romantic!
but... even tho... i do noe some guys who actually do such thing... i sun ever understand why a romantic freak lyk me nv had a bf who does these things?
i do believe that if u really care abt someone... these 4 things are not difficult at all... cuz they come naturally to u...
so i do really wonder... are all my bfs unromantic? or do i simply dun matter enough to them?
becuz... i dunno... for ppl whom i really care abt...everytime when u tell me sth... no matter how trival... as long as itz abt u... i definitly rmb... and i can practically recite it to u word for word as i have proved time and again... but i do see that it doesnt really happen often... haha...
but... as lynn says.. many pl are now getting attached left and rite... itz lyk the new trend... the new IN thing... but.. ya... the ppl who are attached...oh well.. not that i dun care abt them... but i do think that... theres nth much i can do for u since ur attached and these kinda things should be done by ur beloved so i will slack! hehe...
esp for guys... so ya... pls do stp asking me why do i distace myself from u... even tho i doubt u will read this... but honestly! u have a gf already... i may be perfectly fine with my bf's best fren being a gal... but i noe that i'm probably one of the freaks of the world... cuz every single al i noe wll probably blow her top if u decide to confide in ur best gal fren rather then ur actually gf... if u get my drift... so naturally once ur attached i will not contact u as often la... i mean i'm always be here if u need a listening ear... when u talk to me i will surely reply... u will always be my fren... but i dun expect u to be there for me le... and since ur attached i will no longer keep talking to u... cuz u are no longer my best fren but someone else's bf... so pls stopbugging me abt it...
and lyk i said... ppl are getting attached left and rite... and i really need advice now.. but i cant find anyone wo can give me any... haiz... i dun wanna put ppl in a spot... becuz lyk for some ppl... i noe u are also clueless in these kind of things... so wads the point of telling u and make us both uncomfortable while u struggle to find some comforting words and desperately pray that they wun touch a nerve... correct? silly silly me...
and i'm really tired of listening to my own advice... becuz everytime when i tell someone sth... i noe i can apply it to myself... but i juz wan second opinion... haiz... at these kinda times i really miss carmen... haha... cuz we keep talking crap! hmmm... not to say i dun miss lynn... but i miss her for different reasons... juz lyk i miss sze yan for different reasons... and faifai... and so many more!!! everyone of u represents a different part of my life... an di noe in each of ur eyes... i'm a different person... silly silly of me i noe... but itz true...
oh well.. despite all the times i've lent my beautiful ears till their now pretty worn... i have still always beena dumdum person... sillysilly dumdum piggy i am...bleahx
much time has past... and sillysilly dumdum piggy me shall go and sleep already... lalala...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
5:26 PM
Thursday, June 14, 2007
The Best and The Righti keep wondering... do u always have to do wads rite? and we're supposed to find the best solution to every problem.... otherwise there will be someone unhappy... but when do u noe when's the the time to do the right thing? correct way? or the best way?
that is a ridiculous problem.... when u think abt it hard enough.... everything starts to get muddled up and u start thinking... the best would be the correct thing to do rite? haha... ridiculous....
i guess unless u are in the situation... no matter how u think abt it.. from an outsider's view... nth will be correct.... as the chinese say, Pang Guan Zhe Qing... zzzzzzzzzzz....................
now is 8 and a silly silly time to be awake... but i am... hmmm... and i cant get back to sleep... this sux....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:56 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Weird People On A Weird Daytoday was super weird... i went out to meet lynn for lunch today... and lyk... ALOT of ppl stare at me today.... then i keep wondering whether did i suddenyly sprout an ugly zit on my nose or i din zip my jeans or is there a tear in my shirt!
but none of that happened... and when i met lynn she din say that there was anything weird abt me... so y is everyone staring at me? and when we got into KFC to eat rite... the moment i step in lyk 3 tables of ppl was staring at me... then i tot was cuz i was standing near the menu thats why... but when i go and wash my hands to eat my food got this table of ppl juz openly stared at me... then on of them even pointed at me and his fren pull his hand down...
y are ppl so freaky today? itz juz super weird!!!! grrr.... y are ppl staring at me? since i went out of my hse under my block got ppl stare at me... then on the mrt oso got ppl stare....shouldnt they stare at the cute sec one boy from campus superstar who is standing opposite me instead?that would be more normal than staring at me... make me think did a bird shit on my head without me knowing? or i step on doggie poo....
wad an awfully weird day... i stil rmb that time...when i suddenly had lots of ti co old men staring at me... i din ever leave my hse without wearing a jacket.... that probably explained why i got so many jackets...haha... oh well...
boring... and i should start studying... sad sad sad....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
8:26 AM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Dead Beatok... so now i'm home after the funeral and juz finished pia-ing my PACC... blog abit then i shall go sleep....
first thing first... today is me and dear's 10 month anniversary... and well... of cuz i'm super happy to have come this far tgt with u... i noe i'm not the easiest person to get along with... and i can be very unreasonable at times... thank you for everything u have done for me and to have tolerated me for so long... especially for that day... i was really surprised when u called me and told me ur downstairs... despite the way i treated u... thanks for spending the whole day with me and juz hear me talk nonsense... thanks for forgving and going down with me still to the funeral...
and most importantly... sorry for the grilling my relatives gave u that day! haha
abt the funeral... i think i have been very nice and tolerating u for so long... thruout the funeral u only talk to me 3 times... and each time is to show off sth... otherwise... u would be talking to my mother and acting as if u are damn pro... enough le hor... lucky i nv get to see u often oso... thank god..
and... haha... Beatrice is super cute!!! i cant stand it... why are all the xiao hai zi so ke ai? esp her cuz she's always so noisy and bossy... haha... oh... and at the funeral... i'm everyone except for myself... =( they all keep calling me Brenda... cuz they say i look lyk my cousin... and keep calling Beatrice my name... cuz they say she look lyk me... sad sad... one of my uncle even call me another cousin's name... make me sad...
and i'm really shocked by the number of ppl we have in our family!!! everyone... the direct family... we have i think a total of 40+.. cuz we counted the number of ppl who attended the funeral and the number was 34... then there are loads more who din attend.. lyk some cousins and the cousin's husband and he cousin's wife and the cousin's children... haha dear say that his whole family only has 9 ppl only... haha...
okok... this is not a short post... time to sleep.. damn tired le..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:57 AM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
I Feel Disgustingi feel lyk a bitch.. a slut... the kind of slimy things u find when u turn a rock over... and i feel awful...
y does every single thing remind me of u... y cant i juz forget someone who finds me so disgusting he doesnt wanna come near me?
i feel lyk dying...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:19 PM
A Huge Blow...
i haven blogged for a couple of days... thats quite long for me lehz... haha... and today... i'm blogging becuz sth happened... something lyk my grandpa died... ya... and... sth else...
all i wanted was someone to tell me itz not my fault that had to see the doctor pull the plug... that i wasnt wrong in choosing u over my grandpa... when i knew i should have gone down when my dad called... but i din... i hesistated... cuz my first tot was wad are u gonna do... i juz wanted u to hold me and tell me itz gonna be alrite... even tho now i dun have to refuse to go down to my grandpa hse with my mum cuz of u... that my mum din have to go down to play mahjong with my grandpa.. cuz he izznt gonna play mahjong no more...
but u din do that... not only u din... u shunned my touch... u shied away whenever i tried to get near... u turned away when i tried to touch u... i've been so stupid... i even brought u to see my family... too stupid...
but i should be used to it rite? becuz whoever tot of comforting jiehui? everytime sth happens.. i'm always the last anyone think of comforting... cuz i'm supposed to be strong rite? it has been lyk that... and it will go on to be...
if i was me.. i'll be there for u no matter how awkward it was... becuz no matter how uncomfortable i was everytime.. i still thickened my skin and stayed thruout.. or maybe i juz have thick skin.. haha... simply bu yao lian rite? thats me izznt it? shameless... ya.. i agree... thats wad i am wad... stupid and shameless
y am i juz crying and crying... but i dun feel better... y does the person crying not feel lyk me? y when i need u most... all u did was stand and stare at me? y the only person i tot could depend on betray me? y did u walk away and not turn back.. y dun u ever look back... y did u walk so fast away lyk u can get away from me fast enough? y muz i always be strong? y at the end of the day... i still find myself all alone...
y does the pain and hurt weigh upon me and make me feel lyk i'm gonna die for it... y do i see everyone caring for each other but not for me?
y at the end of the day... i'm alone in my room... crying to my computer... telling everyone who has access to the internet my feelings... and probably get some more ppl to flame me on my blog?
y after everything's said and done... i'm still alone...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:57 PM
