Monday, June 23, 2008
When Will It All End???baby baby... i only wan this all to be over.. in the blink of an eye, we realise tt we have been going thru this for almost a year le..in the beginning, i really did not think that i will be able to go thru this with you. i hoped with all my heart that i will be strong enough. i know that despite all the things that you do, i will still love you no matter what. but wad i am afraid of is that i wun be able to support you anymore. i know that my love for you is definitely strong enough. but am i?a year has past, and i have proven not only to u or myself, but to the people around you that despite everything, i have truely stuck by you and have been by your side. many times i tot that i wasnt good enough, wasnt strong enough, wasnt simply good enough for you. many a times i sincerely tot of breaking up with you becuz i felt that i was a burden to you and becuz i felt that ur life will be easier without me by ur side. and time and again, u have also proven ur love to me. and thats y we have been together for so long.our 2nd anniversary is approaching soon and u are finally getting out of NS. i really cannot wait. i noe i can be demanding at times, but sometimes, u really dun take me seriously until i throw a tantrum. u dun listen to me when i ask for something from you, until i throw my temper. as with the sbo thing, u promised time and again to stop and the timestop came and went and still u din stop. all you did was promise me that you will stop one day in the future. u finally stopped for all of a month after i threw a fit at you. but u never really stopped til i threatened to breakup with you. i guess all this resulted in me getting into a habit of demanding things from you rather than asking. i really hope you will forgive me.in the months that come, i really hope that you will make good ur promise to me. perhaps when u finish NS, and get down to settling ur company things will be better. but rite now, i guess the only thing i can do is scarifice the time we have tgt and work harder and hope that things will improve soon.i know that you dun feel good abt this too. i know the situation u r going thru oso. i really hope that you will be honest with me and dun keep me in the dark abt so many things, especially such things.i juz wanna tell u that i love you baby. no matter wad we go thru, no matter wad you do or say, i still love you. i love everything abt you right down to that ugly scar on ur tummy. heez... itz all going to end soon rite? all this horrible things are going to end soon rite? i hope this meant tt our relationship can endure anything...P.S. I love you.P.P.S. Wish you were here.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
7:55 AM
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
itz 3am rite now
there's no title on this post
i cant get to sleep
all i wanna say is
stop making me look bad
maybe cuz i have been tolerating so long and i juz cant take it anymore and i am juz looking for thorns in ur words. but u cannot deny that it does really seem so intentional or not. i dunno wads going on in the relationship anymore. maybe this is juz an obstacle for us to overcome together. maybe at the end we will come out stronger than before. i really hope so. cuz i really dun think so.
i feel so horrible n terrible and unreasonable tt itz eating me up.
i'm i really that horrible a person as u make me out to be?
have u even convinced me that i am that horrible?
i wish u will juz shut the hell up and get out.
this is our relationship.
not yours.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:43 AM
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I Feel So Guiltyrecently i had alot of happy things in my life even tho my kids jolvin and jovia died, it did not really matter cuz i still have others. virtual villagers are the cutest and they actually have lyk a part 3 out now. which i think is super cute but too much of a hassle to play.
i finally figured out how to play minesweeper after all these years and i think i'mvery accomplished cuz i completed the simplest one in 15sec. and the most difficult one in 700plus secs.
i wanna go amk and bugis to eat and enjoy life tho i have put on weight again. so honestly, my life is not that bad. i juz lyk to complain. i feel so bad cuz i make my frens worried, but seriously, sometimes i really felt that the end of the world may come and i will be one of those who rejoices.
someone once told me tt i lead an exciting lyk a drama serial. i rather have a normal one. but i think itz who we are that makes our life. i made stupid decisions that landed me in this position. u lead a so called normal cuz u unlike me, dun take such risks. most of the time, u choose to follow ur head, tts y ur decisions are rational. whereas i will plunge down the cliff before checking if i have a rope round my waist to pull myself up. u will probably check, double check, triple check the rope round ur waist is tight and secure, and decide that there was no point in taking such a gamble.
i do wish tt i am not so rash. but there is a limit to tolerance.. i'm really kinda tired of everything.
when will my real parents the king and queen finally acknowledge me and bring my prince charming along to whick me off to the sunrise?
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:54 AM
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Promises and Liesare promises that hard to keep? is the truth that hard to say? i tried never to lie to you, nv break my promise to you, to tell u the truth... but u juz dun get it.. u always think i'm at fault, i am at fault sometimes but so were u... u always dun wanna understand wad i am saying and u dun wanna listen.. and u insist that i am stubborn and dun wanna move on... but the problem is not solved and u wan me to juz forget it? y do u have to always think tt ur rite even tho time has proven again and again tt ur decisions are usually wrong...
u say i'm stubborn selfish sarcastic n bad tempered and ur not... is it so difficult to trust me juz for once? i'm really tired of ppl hurting me... i tot tt u would be the last person to ever hurt me... tt was how much i trusted u... but now i feel unable to ever trust u... n u think this is my fault n i purposely refuse to trust u... things dun juz solve themselves in a snap of ur fingers... when are u finally gonna stand on ur own 2 legs and stop looking for the easy way out?
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:41 AM
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
OoooKAaaaYyyythat was a very corny thing tt i wrote... hahahha... anyway... i was reading my past posts and i think i really regressed all these time... ahhah oh well... i miss baby i cant login to friendster and facebook... i got a stalker and i'm pissed
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
10:00 PM
What You Want May Not Be What You GetWhen I open my eyes
I always hope to see you there
When I close my eyes
I hope that you're still there
When I fall
I hope you will hold on to me
When I fly
I hope you will fly with me
When it's time to say goodbye
I hope that you will make me stay
I hope that you wouldn't let me go
I hope that you will say "I love you"
I hope that you wouldn't say "Take care"
But most of the time
Things are not what you want
And most of the time
You will not get what you want
Yet one can still hope
If hoping is all one does
And around the loop one goes
Where hope and disappointment runs
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:38 PM
OMFG!!!my counter hit 10 juz now and there were 9 yesterday... y??? it nv used to exceed 5/day... y the sudden surge in the head count?
and hor.. i totally cant get to sleep.. i guess there is too much on my mind...
i dun understand y u muz always look for the easy way out.. haiz.. if only i won the toto yesterday...
life is juz too tiring la!
i hope not many evil people are reading my blog..
i'm really becoming more childish and bimbotic... rather than growing up i seem to be regressing.. gosh...
GROW UP GIRL!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:39 AM
I'm SO Angry!!!how dare those teecos judge the girls? say wad can see which got shave which nv, and wad got camel toes?!?! and fancy girls saying tt the finalists are not pretty!!! if ur so good to judge them,why don't you join then? if u tell me tt u noe tt u are not pretty therefore u din join, then if everyone thinks tt they are not pretty then no one join le la!
DUMSHIT!!!
then where u go find MSW contestants to criticise? even if u wanna criticise dun have to say til lyk tt ma.. super evil lehz..
i think many of the girls are very pretty, lyk Hannah and Syasha and Farra, i think many of them are really pretty!!
i think u girls are juz jealous tt u dun ahve the guts to join...
PATHETIC!
and the lao tikos...
U STUPID SHIT!!! respect the girls can? sickening.. i'm so disgusted by the perverts of the world!!! ARGH!!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:18 AM
Monday, June 02, 2008
AHH!!!!i got dissed by this guy in this weird forum!!!
http://www.clubsnap.com/forums/showthread.php?p=4060444#post4060444haha... ok la.. i noe i look super fugly in tt pic.. actually in all the pics... i got a very dao face and the make up artist give me cat eyes somemore.. haha look even more dao..
anyway.. i din get in!! but seriously.. i surprised myself by not being the least disappointed... i'm juz sad tt the guy say if i win he muz go buy 4D!!! haha... but oh well.. i dun think i will ever do this type of silly things again.. haha...
lyk seriously la.. i had to cut down on food to hide my tummy away!! =x i couldnt eat all the nice nice food.. so ya... the first thing i did after the results? i rushed with baby down to Singapore Flyer and eat Popeye Chicken!! it was so good!! for 10 days i din eat so shuang already!! lyk i had to worry each time i eat whether i will grow fat from it.. even tho i still din really stop eating fried food... but but but... i finally can eat with a peace of mind! i'm so happy...
i tot i will be abit disappointed tt i din get it.. i was still telling myself to cheer up and dun make baby worry.. budden i was actually very happy and RELIVED!! wakaka.. i'm weird lyk tt...
but still rite... i made new frens there! there was june and cheryl.. who are very nice! they are super wonderful people... and sydney and jacquline who are lyk very nice too... their in my group.. and kate.. i think they are very nice.. the other girls were quite nice too.. altho.. itz only the semis and the back stabbing is already there... terrifying... i cant imagine wad will happen in the finals...
altho.. heez... i feel tt i din do my best cuz i was too nervous and i really felt inferior to the girls.. so... hahaha... i really wana do it all over again and prove myself!!! but i think once is enuff... another time i will kill myself... ahhaha.. tt all today!
gonna slp slp slp... btw.. i got my pics from this photograher... and the pics he took was super ugly.. lyk... itz even worse than the ones online.. i mean.. at there are some nice ones or at least not too bad ones at jinwei gave me.. so ya.. i shall not post any here... ahha
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:42 PM
