Saturday, January 26, 2008
Super Tiredi wish i could stop having dreams!!!
i'm stressed in real life cuz of exams and everything... which nv ever happened to me!!!
and now i'm stressed in my dreams too!!! cuz i keep dreaming that i'm running away from something!!!
itz making me so so so stressed... i think... i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown!!! will i get mc if i do???
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:48 AM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Is This Retribution? (**WARNING** -damn long post)
wad is wrong with me?
or rather..
wad is wrong with YOU?
why do you always have to make up beautiful promises that u noe u cannot keep? and when i tell u that i wun take it seriously you insist that u r serious and that u really wanna do it...
yet everytime, u nv go thru with them.. u spin up beautiful promises to me that u swear to keep.. but when u cant... u expect me to simply tell u that i dun mind n u go on pretending that nth happened at all...
i cant do that u noe? i cant pretend tt nth happened cuz u swore up and down tt it would be fulfiled but in the end itz all false hope...
u always say u will do sth tt we both noe u dun wan to... and u will expect me to say tt it doesnt matter n u dun have to do it.. n u will happily tink to urself that itz not tt you dun wanna do it but cuz i asked you not to...
yet when the rare occasion that i say tt i do wan u to do it... of cuz u will do it cuz u got no choice.. but u will look unhappy all the time tt there's no point in u doing it at all...
but for once... juz once... cant u do sth tt will make me happy? sth tt will once more convince me that u do care for me..
that despite everything...
i still mean sth to u?
becuz it is sth tt u do willingly n not cuz i asked u to...
yet time and again u did not... of cuz there is the things u do rarely... but we have been tgt for 1 n a half yrs n the times u did sth to touch me? i can count with my fingers...
and i do count... cuz it really meant sth to me... cuz it really meant alot to me...
i see other couples and i'm really jealous... y are they so happy tgt? no matter how i tell myself... in wadeva way i look at it.. we are not a happy couple at all.. AT ALL...
is this my retribution?
for treating my exs badly? for taking them for granted and hurting them? so this is y god made me love u.. so u can do the same to me cuz itz karma....
IS IT????
y is it always me who do sth for u... cant u do sth for me in return?
instead of saying that u appreciate it and everything... cant u do sth physical to to convince me?
becuz everything that u say? has beome meaningless...
becuz all ur promises? r lyk grass... itz everywhere... and itz worthless...
i really dun understand y u wanna go on betting... itz not as if u are winning... in fact u are losing more and more... yet everytime u tell me i will pay u back next time.. but that time nv comes cuz fact is u nv won...
i dun have the resources to feed ur habit...
u r addicted...y dun u admit it... itz not that u are indignant that u lost money and dun believe u can win it back... u are addicted and that is juz another way to say that u r...
at my age... i should be happily in love... i should be carefree... i should not have money problems... i have more than enuff money to make my life perfect...
i should not be planning my life around a guy.. i should not be thinking of ways to earn more money... to get more money with my family background...
my only problems are supposed to be my exams... i should at this time be fretting abt how to pass my MOB exam tml... not how am i going to hide the fact in a month my acct have nearly disappeared from my mum...
i'm glad u finally decided to get a job instead of sitting ard and dragging ur feet... but isnt it abit late? whenever i try to mention it u shut me up saying that u dun wanna talk abt it cuz u dun wan us to quarrel...
i really wonder...i'm i really ur gf?
or juz ur stupid, naive, gullible money tree?
is this way u chose me? a gal so much younger than u? so that i would be silly enuff... DUM enuff... to swallow all the shit that you throw to me?
i noe u are gonna be upset when u read this... but how often do u actually read my blog? u are using the computer all the time... but do you care enuff to actually visit my blog to read my tots n feelings?
perhaps 3 or 4 times a year... if i din kick up a fuss juz now with u... i doubt u are ever gonna read this.. juz as u nv read all my past posts of u...
juz to spend or more time with you... i suffer myself to go home late and risk reproach...
juz to save money for you... i suffer myself to go ur hse even tho i din lyk it..
i dun really mind the long trips home.. but yet time and again i chose to take cab from my hse to urs and urs to mine not cuz i have too much money to spare... u think i juz dun lyk the long trips... i nv corrected u cuz i din wan u to feel guilty that the real reason was that i din dare to walk home alone...
i have always been afraid of the dark.. thats y i chose to take cab to ur hse early in the morning.. thats y i chose to stay late at ur hse so i can have an excuse to take cab home... so i din have to walk tt long way home from the mrt station in the dark...
even my frens are willing to send me home at nite tho its not along their way home cuz they noe i would be terrified... my normal frens would rmb that i would be afraid and offer to send me home...
but my bf? my very own bf who claims to care for my more than the rest simply forgets...
i keep telling myself i should nv place anything in higher importance than myself.. but i always forget these facts.. simply becuz there really are ppl who care ard doesnt mean everyone cares.. i wonder how long will i need to rmb this?
i promise myself that i will nv be seduced by ur empty promises again.. cuz this time i will rmb that they are nothing but empty air...
to my nice nice frens who read this... dun be too concerned... i'm gonna be fine! =)
and thanks alot faifai... for ur sixth sense of knowing whenever i am upset.. itz not that i dun wanna reply ur sms juz now... but i really have no idea wad to reply... i hope that u will understand... i have been troubled... but ur jiejie will always be fine after awhile.. =) thanks for letting me noe... that i still have good frens out there who do really care for me...
and to szeyan and yongjian and lynn and carmen... i noe u guys care too! and dun worry abt me... cuz silly gal that i am with stm... i will soon forget all the unhappy stuff and be very happy again..
<3 u all
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:39 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hole In Braini'm so gonna die for my exams this time!!! there's a really really really big hole in my brain and everything i try to memorise flows out of it!!! not even drip out... is juz flow out!!!
super duper stressed... and here i am still blogging.. i think i should juz die... bought a new phone from kelly... Nokia 5610... happily itz my fave phone... sadly itz the same as krystle's phone... oh well... at least rite... by the time i start to use the phone i will never see her again!!! i hope... nvm
i should go back to study le!!! sobzzzzz
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:53 AM
Monday, January 21, 2008
Slingers VS Taipanshmm... Slingers were leading all the way and doing pretty well.... until the last quarter that is... quite predictable... but still disappointing... oh well... nth is worst than the fact that none of the 3 singaporeans played in the singapore team... nvm...
one funny thing happened... which is these bunch of kids (i cant believe i'm refering to them as kids.... am i that old already???) sitting beside us rite... one of them ask..
'Taipans? they from Taiwan isit?'
hahhaha in wad way does the blacks and the ang mohs look lyk taiwanese??? hahah...
or maybe itz cuz of Mr Stephen Black and Mr Alan Black of the Taipans who were not at all black... =x
Dwayne Vale who is 23 this year is a superb player! he kept scoring and scoring!!! but he's from Taipan..
our best player was Mike Helms... he scored 24pts! the top scorer in the game! Taipan's top scorer is Martin Cattalini but he only scored 19pts... Dwayne Vale scored 18pts tho... he was actually leading at first...
but my fave player is Rod Grizzard cuz i think he is damn cool and his hair is very striking.. haha oh well... sad... for a moment... i really tot singapore had a chance...
i guess there is always the game against the Melbourne Tigers.. who are oso Australians... i wondered juz now why i feel so misplaced... lyk... feel for the Slingers... i think reason was... none of my people are playing... itz still Australia VS Australia
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:41 PM
Singapore Slingerstoday i'm gonna go watch the Singapore Slingers' game VS Cairns Taipans curtesy of my smelly little bro...
i am very curious tho... i understand the use of SLINGERs in the singapore team.. lyk maybe they wanna sling lotsa balls in or sth... but that juz proved again that singaporeans got no creativity.. =x
but i am curious y the word TAIPANS??? it is apparantly a breed of venomous snakes native to australia... so lyk... y snakes? slither along the courts and rear up and win pts??? hmmm.... snakes? y not bears? oh... i noe maybe no bear native to australia... hmmm... oh ya... got kola bear... but they're useless besides hugging trees rite???
I NOE!!!! kangeroos!!! they are fast.. and can jump very high ma! good for basketball... budden kangeroo is too obvious... somemore i think another team already call themselves kangeroos... plus rite... so obvious mean they are juz lyk singaporeans.. no creativity... ya lo ya lo...
i'm very patriotic so i hope the Slingers will win... budden i think got some Slingers are from Australia? scarly them and the Taipans get so caught up talking abt Australia that they forget to play ball.. maybe thats wad the Slingers are waiting for... =x
P.S. the above are all crap and sincerely dun represent my view except for the patriotic part and hoping singapore will win... i'm currently so bored that my head dropped off and i cant think clearly.. dun bring any charges on me!!!!!
P.P.S. i'm really certified boredly insane.. =)
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:26 AM
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Fashion Fiestawell for the fun of it i now have a new blogshop... hopefully i can earn enough money... and... ya... get enough money...
i wan a holiday job! anyone got lobang? damn tired...
i dun wanna press you to fufil ur promises to me...
but i do wish u wouldnt take them so lightly...
if u dun think u can do it..
y for promise at all???
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
4:17 PM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Mask 1, Mask 2, Mask 3, Mask 4, Falling Off The Building, AloneMask 1the happy crazy gal who hates studying, loves online shopping and is a spendthrift
Mask 2the unfilial gal who is lazy and only noe how to talk back and spend money
Mask 3the happy gal who loves her bf alot and is happy even when his mother shout at her cuz when he tells her to forget sth and dun think abt it... she juz does it..
Mask 4the happy crazy unfilial gal who loves her bf alot who lyk to lie in bed at nitye convincing herself that she is very happy and can simply dun think abt unhappy stuff and forget abt them and juz simply be happy.
i feel lyk i am standing at the edge of a very tall building being crowded out my my own feelings... in serious danger of falling off the building becuz there is no other place her feelings can go to... becuz there is no one she can confide in cuz her unhappy matter concerns not only herself but of other people too... and it is out of respect for them that she cannot divulge any...
yet with my feelings crowd me out... and push me off the building... i do not wan anyone waiting to catch me at the bottom of the building... becuz i dun wanna owemy life to anyone... i dun wanna see anyone... becuz the last thing i wanna do in my life... is to feel myself fly to a place that i wanna go... where no one cna hurt me... where i can finally take off all these masks and be myself... and i dun wan anyone to stop me...
rite now... i juz wanna be alone...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:34 AM
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Save My Eyes Please!!!i tink my eyes are going to drop out... i do so much editing of flash and pictures and webbies i can feel my eyeballs run smoother in my eyes... i think itz too loose le...
and and and... hehehehe... baby juz told me.. yesterday b4 his op rite... the nurse went to shave his hair down under!!! kekeke... cuz she say later the hair may drop into the wound during the op so muz shave it off!!! kekeke... and got a doc stick his finger up baby's asshooole!!!
wahahhaha.. poor baby... i can imagine the agony when ur hair grows out!!! hahahhaha... n dun u wish u didnt get appendictis? so the doc wun stick his fingers up ur ass... dun u wish u could give ur first time to me??? and to have another female doc poke and prod at ur balls... hahah... poor little baby...
i cant imagine u having a female doc and a female nurse fondle ur balls and dick... ok... not fondle but poke prod shave!!! wakaka... and a MALE doc finger ur ass... u poor thing... muz be feeling violated.. hahaha
i shall stop laughing at u..
but is still damn funny!!!
SHAVEN!!!!PRODDED!!!!FINGERED!!!!!hahahahhahahhahhahahhahhahhahahahhahhha
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
1:03 PM
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Smelly In Hospitalsmelly is in the hospital rite now for appenditis.. i dunno how it is spelt la... but he still dumdum... nv tell me til super late... and his officer even more dumdum
tml i shall have to rush to the hospital after sch to see smelly... i dun lyk him
super tired... now is 11pm and he should be going for the operation le.. he is so dumdum... every start of the year he has to hurt himself terribly.. last year is bike accident.. now is appenditis.. dumdum.. hope it goes well anyway... the op...
he should stop making me worry for him!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:05 PM
Evil Dirty Uncle!this morning i was going to school rite.. then i saw this little girl erm... she was in a dress... but she lifted it up and walked ard with the dress under her armpits and revealing her pink underwear to the world la.. then her maid din stop her!!!
then there was this evil uncle... he was STARING at the little gal! who must be lyk at most 5 years old... and he was staring HUNGRILY at her la.. super sicko... he ws juz staring at her and grinning to him self... wad an asshole.. he muz be a phedophile... however it is spelt la... dumass...
i hate dirty old men!!! poor little gal kena oggled at by dirty old uncle... lucky she's so young she is happily oblivious... i dun think she even realised he was staring... thank gods she put her dress down soon...
and today i almost lost my necklace! so sad... but i was able to get it back.. thank god...
i need a bout of good luck to last me for abt 3 weeks! haiz... any idea how to get it?
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:56 AM
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy New Year!!!wheee... itz the new year and baby and i enjoyed our dinner at EATZI!!! using baby's new Diners International Card... and i keep fighting off the urge to take photos...
we went to the esplanade to watch fireworks.. and it was damn nice!!! super duper happy!!! itz very nice... mainly cuz i dun get baby to hug me as often as i would lyk... hehe.. =x
New Year Resolutions~ SLIM DOWN!!! wadeva it takes~ start studying~ go out at least once more with everyone impt~ get a new phone ASAP!!!~ stock up on chocolates but DUN GET FAT!!!~ get $4000 at least in my bank~ have sex with baby~ watch porn with baby~ get horny with baby~ do a threesome preferably with SWEETS aka Candy~ do SM on the above mentioned SWEETS~ prostitute myself until i reach my target of $4000yupyup... thats abt all that i can think of...
=x
please dun take me seriously... cuz i get go thru with my resolutions.. the last few i confirm wun do... please dun honestly be to dumdum as to believe me... if i really mean it would i put it there? and even if i do mean it i will nv admit it! wakakaka
i'm damn crazy... but thats ok... i noe baby not mind...
how can i get $16,000 of cold hard cash asap? i really dun wanna prostitude myself... =(
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:11 AM
