Monday, July 31, 2006
Questionshow come we got moles arh? u noe those black dots all over ur body? how come we got them arh... weird rite? then hor...how come will have gastric pains arh? if have gastric pains rite... how to lyk reduce the pain? if dun ave the pills on hand? and cannot drink milk lyk sensitive to it? and then... hmmm... how come some nice songs are nnot catchy at all? bad awful songs are? then u are stuck with this song that u dun lyk in ur head for a long time? how come there are some important things that we can forget easily but trival things that we can nv forget? how come u can feel lyk u can die for this guy one day and feel lyk u wan him to die the next day? how come ppl always refuse to move to the bus? and how come there is this irritating uncle that will always be on that bus and start squeezing thru ppl to get to that imaginary space btw ppl that is not a space big enough for him in an effort to show that he is a wad? considerate citizen? why is it there will be ppl who will anyhow add u online msn and ask u to have sex with them? how come no matter how u filter ur email junk mails with porno stuff still always manages to get thru? how come parents always feel that the sch the cca the class the child is in is always not good? dun they understand while they are insisting that the ppl are bad influences on the child others' parents are doing the same thing.. and why parents reserve every rite to scold their child when they are in a bad mood and wadeva mood the child is in he or she will always have to tolerate them and cannot talk back? why ppl lyk to create weird spelling names for the child? lyk isaac becomes issac and aaron becomes arron so on and so forth?
one last question...
am i weird or is the world weird?
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:30 PM
Da Fei Zhu Kor Kor
hmmm... yesterday went to watch Dragon Tiger gate (Long Hu Men) with Da Fei Zhu Kor Kor... haha... movie.... plot was slightly crapy la... but the actions and special effects was so cool!!! haha... and their hair so impeccable its unbelievable... haha.. and humor injected at some points were it gets corny and saves the whole movie!! overall was nice! although... erm... haha... i wun watch it again... unless u pay me... hehe... then kor kor very funny... the da fei zhu got too much fats... then he udn feel cold... at first in the cinema he ask if i was cold... i say no... cuz really at that time not cold ma... then sit for a while more i was lyk freezing la... so cold!!! i almost froze... then kor kor say me... he say i ask u cold not u say not cold... juz now really not cold ma.. haha.. then he gimmi is jacket... so nice!! budden maybe cuz he so fat the oil let him not be cold lo... haha.. anyway i was supposed to treat him watch movie cuz is his belated belated belated birthday present... haha... budden... in the end he paid for everything... we actully wanted to go to bugis to watch de... cuz i wanna eat ice cream... haha... then we go there then find out tt bugis there dun have the show!!! then we go suntec to watch... haha... after movie i say i hungry... then kor kor ask me wad i wanna eat.. i say i dunno then i ask him wad he wanna eat... he say anything... haha... he everything oso anything de!!! so diao... go where watch? anything... wanna sit where? anything... wad u wanna eat? anything... haha... then i say eat pasta mania... he say ok lo... then... we cannot find pasta mania... haha... then when we found it got so many ppl!!! then i lazy wait... so i tell him we eat mac... haha... he eat the macspicy until face very red!!! haha... he dunno how to eat chilli... haha...then i keep laughing at him... for the first time in a long long long long time i eat my fish fillet without chilli!! haha... then i tell him i used to eat the burger with 5 packets of chilli... then he say the sopme thign as lishi... ppl is eat burger with chilli... u is eat chilli with burger... haha... so funny lo.. then he tell me lame jokes... haha... then i told him a lot of lame jokes... until he take his jacket back from me and say that its too cold there... haha.. rhen at mac there hor... i dunno how to describe the sits.. jiu shio is a couch that is lyk one couch but got one divider length wise in the centre... then ppl can sit back to back la... then cuz my sit is lyk not stable... then the ppl behind me keep playing and standing up in sitting down very hard... wa... then he sit keep shaking!!! haha.. then i eat my burger very very very slow... he ask me why i eat so slow... i say he seat keep shaking until i seasick le... haha... he ask me whether wanna sit beside him... haha... but i say i dun wan... then finally the ppl go away... then they sudden push the seat while going out.. then i was so angry lo.... then i said wads wrong with them in cantonese... haha... then he ask me if i was cantonese... apparantly he is la... haha... kor kor lyks tiger oso!!! haha... then he got this cute cute tiger keychain... we go Toys-R-Us before the movie... then i play with the tiger there... very cute!!! got the tiger bounce up and down sing song de... and got tiger doing cartwheels de... so ke ai!! and got eyore sing if u are happy and u noe it flap ur ears... then the eyore will flap the ears de... and got baby pooh crawling de... everything was so ke ai lo... then kor kor sent me home... on the mrt i very cold again... haha... then kor kor gmmi his jacket again... i think he is cold blooded de... haha... always not cold de... kor kor got more than 20 ex gf!!! wa... and he only 4 years older than me... we walk the pasar malam near my hse...then got so many cute tiger things... haha... then kor kor say i wear the jacket til very funny... then i say i dun talk to him... haha... then i really nv talk... then he say he admit he lose... haha... whole day kor kor suan me say i so young... even after watch movie oso cannot go anywhere cuz i so young... then i keep saying he very old... haha... had so much fun yesterday!!! hahahah...budden got to think of another present for kor kor le.. haha... he going NS on oct 26!!! so sad... haha..muz give him his present b4 that... otherwise he will be very busy le... lalalalala... i wanna go parkway tml!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
4:50 AM
Friday, July 28, 2006
Weird Guysaiyo... how come some guys so funny de.. haha... ask for ppl hp number ownself wan say is fren wan... haha... damn funny lehz... i should stop going to Pasta Mania... i am getting sick off the food there anyway... haha... anyway... can anyone tell me how to reject guys... lyk when u are sitting down and got no where to run can tell me how to reject that guy? so paiseh lo... today go Pasta Mania again rite... saw that guy again... then he say i not friendly cuz nv sms him when he give me his number... then i said i cant read his handwriting!!!! so lame rite? damn paiseh lo... then he wrote another note.. this time in neater handwriting... aiyo... damn paiseh.. was so tempted to give him carmen's hp number... cuz i was with her... budden i realised i forgot her hp number.. sad... aiya... i wanna go watch tv le... hehe...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:24 PM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Pasta Maniahaha... today muz start with yesterday... when to eat pasta manis yesterday with carmen... meet this guy working there... very funny guy... his not funny lyk funny.. but weird-different-from-me kind of funny... then today went to eat pasta mania again... with lynn! then met the guy again... haha... he is still juz aas funny... budden this time... he even funnier... he wrote on a piece of paper a handphone number and ask if can get to noe me... hahaha... then hor.... he say is his fren wan de... then on the piece of ppr is written i am the guy in pasta manis uniform.... hahahaha... all the guys there in pasta mania uniform... so funny lo... then i keep laughing... feel very bad... he will be lyk damn paiseh la... haha.. wanted to go again tml... maybe get myself sick of pasta... haha... budden not so sure.. i wanna try the mussel in white wine... sounds nice!!! hehe... ooooo this reminds me... this was how i got to noe benson oso... he ask for my number i give him... i think benson smarter... i mean... u ask for my number i very hard reject... haha... budden give me ur number i sure wun contact de... hahahahha.. anyway... i oso not so smart go give benson my number... damn paiseh de lo... dun wan dun wan... hahaha... hmmm... today was a sleepy boring day.... i going to sleep le...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:11 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
What Falling Out Of Love Can Do To SomeoneFriendship is never an accident.
It is always the result
of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction
and skillful execution. I
t represents the wise choice of
many alternatives.....
If you love someone set him/her free.
If he/she comes backto you, you know they're yours.
If they don't then it was
never meant to be........
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell him/her
Don't be afraid to
express yourself........
taken off Issac'z friendster... profile... i was lyk wow!!~! chim!!! and his ex's pics were ominously missing... hmmm... his msn nick..
The falling of leaves
Is it because the tree failed to keep it
Or is it because of the wind's pursuit
actually it sounds better in chinese la...
Shu ye de diao luo
Shi shu mei wan liu
Hai shi feng de jui qiu
i cant type chinese on my blog... oh well... maybe love sickness can make poets out of everyone... hmmm....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:48 PM
Monday, July 24, 2006
Dedicated To Someonehmmm... the someone refers to the poor fuck who comes to my blog to insult me every so often.. arent u honoured i dedicated a post to u? lemme tell u that i dun think all chrstians are fuckers... juz those supposed christians who dun act lyk one.. u dun even dare to name urself... at least when i say this i put my name to it... i dun act pro and go and insult others without sense... wad i am talking abt is not the ppl from my sch... cuz some of them i really good christians... and being a christian has really changed their lives for the better... i am talking abt some ppl outside my school whom i noe are christians... and some christians in my school who are irresponsible... also... the ppl in my school who try to get ppl to join their church and do it so blalantly in the school concourse when it is against the rules.. if u dunno wad is going on... and u dun understand wad is going on... then pls stick ur engorged nose out of my business.. ok? their are ppl with average IQ out there who understands wad i am saying... which means that if u dun understand... then sadly ur IQ muz be below average...
i am not sry if i insulted u... in fact i hope i insulted u... but u tried to insult me first.. perhaps next time u try to insult me put ur name to ur insults... i'll show more respect to ppl who are more couragous... cowards who try to defame others dun deserve a shred of respect... if u continue patronising my blog perhaps i will dedicate more posts to u... whether wad i say are nice things or not i dunno.....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
8:44 AM
Condemnedi dun wanna give a fuck abt u guys anymore... since u already condemned me nth i do will ever be enough for u... i am always wrong... wad u din see does not mean did not happen... it only means that u are blind thats all... wadeva i do is nv enough... is always wrong... have u ever tot of how i felt? u mean to say tt i am happy i lost my wallet i threw my wallet to the fucking bastard who stole it izzit? that i actually jumped for joy when i failed my exams? that all the time i spent in my room was to sleep la... no i din do my work... have u ever rmbed the times u saw me do my work? no.. only the times i din... when i did my work did u praise me? no... only when i did not do u scream at me... thats very good and kind of u rite? i am supposed to love u for tt.... things u dun tell me u always say u do.. things i tell u u say i dun.. i can rite it down and u say that i wrote tt last min to fake everything... wads the point? of slapping me and then telling me tt all u wanted was for me to improve? and tt u love me? words dun count.. actions do? at the age of 8 u ruion my childhood... when all other kids were playing happily with their frens... u had to force me to see the ugly side of ppl... wad i am today is wad u did... wads the point? all the time all i wanted was for u to one day tell me that i did great... and treat me lyk u treat him... i dunno wad izzit tt when wrong... ill disciplined... his even worse than me... yet u can love him so much so why not me? wad i do will always be wrong... dun sing sweet nths to me anymore... pls... juz let me go.. dun hurt me anymore... honestly... i am tired... pls... i dun wanna go on anymore... dun insult me and tell me its motivation for me to go on anymore... dun give me false hope anymore.. all of u... i juz wanna leave everything.. let everything.. if not i still had hope.. still had no courage.. i would have taken the easier way out already... or perhaps lyk him.. u can hurt me so much i can juz forget abt everything at once... if i had one more chance i would do it all over again... and ended everyting earlier... i juz keep praying... keep hoping.. for my deliverance....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
8:14 AM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
St. John Games Daywell... today was... B-O-R-I-N-G seriously... nth was really fun... didnt play much things... the only fun thing was the match played between wenjie guanwei yinzhi and alvin sha ben tan hongyuan wa.... that match damn cool... haha..cuz all oso quite good lehz... nono make that very good.. we lost by one point only!!! not bad la... haha... hmmm... actually kind of regret going today lo... damn shag... then still need to see some ppl... gek sim only... haha... hmmm... then... now going to play maple le... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... hahha
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:43 AM
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Lost My Walletwa... damn sad lehz... i lost my wallet today at kampong glam... during chung cheng's not-so-amazing race combined with east view sec... everything gone!!!my i/c ezlink neoprints... ahhhh.... so sad now!!! i wanna get everything back!!! sob sob... mummy scolded me lyk hell lo... wa..... wanna cry le... sad sad sad... i miss my wallet... budden... weirdly got a ind of jie tuo de gan jue... lyk losing the wallet gave me a kind of lyk... awakening? i dunno.... weird... sad!!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:37 PM
Friday, July 21, 2006
Fellowshipi dunno wads the problem with the ppl in my school la... i am probably going to offend lots of ppl saying this... but i hate the ppl who go around fellowshipping in my school... excuse me.. but school is for us to study.. not for u to get ppl to join ur church lo... and fellowshipping is against the rules can? got study social studies the ppl confirm noe y lo.. and u do it so balantly in the concourse... dun be disgusting can? God has His way of reaching out to us.. there is no need for u ppl to come to school and recruit ppl to fufil ur quota can? u wan to preach chirstianity do it outside school.. dun do it in school ok? its damn irritating.. especially since lyk half of u dun even act lyk a real christian la... going to church has become lyk a way for ppl to socialize la... u talk abt Him lyk u really love Him.. but i see some of u are not even saturday christian lo... u dun even act lyk one... if ur god teaches u to neglect ur responsiblity to go church rite... i look down on ur god... becuz he is not God ok? which God will impart such immorality to His followers? God has a boundless heart... He will forgive u of all ur sins if u repent.. so a murderer b4 he dies tells Him that he regreted wad he did and hopes to be forgiven... then when he is executed he will go to Heaven? honestly! i dun see other religion saying that all other Gods are fake and do not exist... only their God is real.. but i see christianity doing that... i look down on churches lyk tt.. u are not preaching... u are lying.. and He will condemn u for that... IF He exist... since other gods dun exist... y should only ur God exist? its pissing me off....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:58 AM
Monday, July 17, 2006
ZzZzZzzzzzz...........i realised i got nth much to say here le... i think i spent all my emotins... so now calmer... my fren say i have juz given up... the next wave is coming soon... if it doesnt come soon... then it will never come le.... haha... sound lyk a time bomb... anyway... recently got maple crazy.. haha.. keep playing maple.. a bit sot sot le.. haha... since i got nth to say abt myself... then... i shall talk abt irrelevent stuff... hehe
i juz realised that there is a similarity between the old imperial family and the modern day showbiz...both re regarded a novelty... and everyone not in it wants to be part of it... but the people truly involved in it usually are unhappy... the rivalries... competition... shows that long time ago it was already a dog eat dog world... scary...
a person's brain is a very complex thing... it can make u do irrational things... even though u noe it is wrong in a way... it still makes sense to do it.. therefore there are ppl who are rash... quick to temper... so on and so forth... so the so called special abilities that the autistic ppl have.. is it simply becuz they are living in their own world? thats why they are able to consentrate on honing their skills in the way they wan it.. thats why they can have exceptional memories or musical skills artistic so on and so forth... so that means that autistism is not a psychological problem lyk wad everyone sees it.. the peple are actually geniuses... they see world different from us.. they are not simple minded as we believe them to be.. they juz have the ability to to look pass the monetary side of life... and they hold no barriers between ppl.. becuz they will give wad they have and believe in ren xing ben shan and that they will get repaid for all the good tigs they do....
i dun make much sense here... i think these are all crap... haha... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
5:24 AM
Friday, July 14, 2006
Bastardsome guys are such bastards... the fact the u are so despo for a gf is crazy u sicko..... no gf and u juz pick up any gal... u juz stead with her juz to have a gf... and when u get bored... or find her not up to ur standard... or u see another gal thats prettier or nice or wadeva shit izzit that attracts u u go jio her... and u mnoe wads the worse thing? u wouldnt let ur current gf go... do u noe how much that hurtsu freaking bastard? even if u break with ur current gf and stead with the new gal... ur ex cannot forget u... cannot get a new bf lyk u... muz always think of u.... they are supposed to be always infatuated with u at all times izzit? fucking bastard.. egoistic idiots... juz fuck off la... the world dun need u to ruin the reputations of other guys.... u dun deserve the love of these gals lo.. u juz keep ur dirty fingers off my frens ok? beucz ur a fucking asshole and dun deserve her at all...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:14 PM
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Todayhmmm... today funny things happened.. cute lishi laughed at a sec 1 boy who was using his hp with the handphone pouch over it... then the boy turn around look at us and run away.. haha.. the run away was cuz he was in a hurry la.. budden we teased her saying that she traumatise the poor boy.. haha.. then we say wad tml the newspaper headlines read.. Boy, 13, Runs Away From Home After Being Traumatized By Senior... haha... cuz wad the boy will go home and complain to the mother ppl laugh at him cuz he use the phone pouch.. then he will throw it on the floor.. and the mother will say she saved so hard to get money to buy him the pouch then he lyk tt say.. then she will slap him and he run away from home.. it was very funny... then baby actually asked if it was true... she so cute rite??? hhaa.. hmmm... today arh.. ermz.... haha..
I wished...
Like every other girl...
That I could find my Prince...
That I could find my Fairytale Ending...
I could not find It...
Only now...
Did i realize that I let It go...
With my own two hands... ... ...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:48 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Loss For Words.............hmmm... maybe why i dunno wad to say suddenly has got to do with my being unable to put the things i thin abt into words... i dunno... recently its juz all very weird and confusing... changing periods le... going for english.. cannot type le.... later go home then see ba... i am tired... and sick... and sleepy!!!
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:48 PM
In School Againhmmm... tired... abit dunno wad to blog abt.. last nite italy won the world cup... and you put me on hold for over an hour... school sucks... lfe sucks... its damn boring here... having chinese somemore... long long time nv lyk tt lack of words le... sad....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:09 PM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Whose fault Is It???argh.. its getting irritating.. why do i keep giving in to u??? its lyk.. i tot u are supposed to be the one giving in to me??? lyk.. wth.. i miss the old times... argh... and omg.. so much happened.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... i didnt go sch on friday.. fever.. not high fever la.. then saturday much better.. so go anniversary... reach home... then... bathe.. took temperature... 39.4 wa.... then i go sleep and forgott o call wen jie.. saturday... hehe.. gossiped a lot with ru jin abt william.. wad a fucking bastardic asshole... disgusting guy...cassandra better lyk watch out la!!!! dun... i really really really mean DUN ever go out with tt idiot kkz? u are only going to hurt urself... haish... but last time tried to tell u u got lyk angry with me... i oso a bit dun dare talk to u abt him le... budden he made 3 galz' life miserable at the same time...hmmm... dunno la... and then abt nathan... alamak... u dun wan give him up then u dun come talk cock la.. wa... say til so nice then behind ppl's back do this kind of things its disgusting lo... i hate frens lyk that... cuz i hate ppl who betray others.. and... hmmm... wad else lehz... oh... bought bdae presents for some ppl... hehe.. very nice.... and wondering should go prom or not... trying to do my testimonial.. but dunno wad to write lehz... i really should stop going there... god i muz be crazy... save me!!!
thinking of you
wondering abt you
simply
juz missing you
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
6:10 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Sick....argh... i'm sick.. never go school today... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... dun feel lyk writing much.. headache... going back to sleep.... after i finish more hw... bored...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
1:10 AM
Friday, July 07, 2006
Erm....today... nth much happened.. went to bugis... yesterday oso go bugis.. tml going bugis.. sunday maybe going bugis... its getting boring... zzzzzzzzzz... saturday speech day... then... hmmm.... dunno wad else... and... well... going crazy thinking who that person maybe... wondering if its u... thinking should i msg him... thinking of the coming o's thinking of how life suck.. thinking should i go prom... thinking should i be still thinking of him.. thinking that i should be thinking abt him.. thinking of the stars... thinking of the esplanade.. thinking will i be going there with him.. thinking if he would say the same thing... thinking wad he looks lyk... thinking wad would we do... thining of sj.. thinking of how i would miss it.. thinking of royston.. thinking if i would miss him... thinking of the staff rank... thinking if they will be able to wear it.. thinking of how long we would last lyk that.. thinking if it would be lyk last time.. thinking of whether he got take care of himself... thinking of you.. thinking of you.. thinking of you... thinking i am a fool to think so much... thinking of why am i thinking so much.. thinking wad for am i thinking so much... thinking of............. juz thinking...........
You brought my heart up high
You let my heart see the world
You let my heart see nothing but You
You brought my heart higher than ever before
You let my heart fall
You watched my heart hit the cold hard ground
You watched my heart shatter
You close your eyes
You walk away
You step on the fragments of my heart
But the hurt was less than the hurt of seeing you walk away without looking back..........
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
10:48 AM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Clown and the Foolhmmm... today watched King and the Clown... erm.. nice show.. amazingly nice.. actually go cuz wanna see how chio that guy in the show is.. turns out i got it even better... the show was amazing.. everyone should watch it.. its not abt homosexuality.. its more than tt.. its abt a love so pure.. so innocent.. amidst all the jealousy and rivalry.. i cried during the show.. was so damn touching.. but i dunno if i cried.. becuz it was touching.. or becuz i once tot i had that love but i lost it? i dunno.. why cant i let go? why do i still keep going there to see.. to read.. the pain u r causing me.. that she is causing me.. will u ever noe.. the clown.. i am Love's Fool.. the pathetic fool... Fools play the fool for a living... me? i play the fool for life..i should let go... if u can tell e u dun lyk me i can do the same too.. i willbe able to one day look u in the face and tell u i dun lyk u.. u can tell me u dun lyk me.. i wun let simply becuz i love you to allow u to hurt me.. at the most i'll shift my focus.. and give him the feelings i give u.. simply becuz he wun hurt me lyk u did.. simply becuz i am smarter now.. and hardier.. becuz of u.. i wun get hurt again..
Love grow from the Eye and the Heart
So when you try to close your Eye
Love turns into a drop of Tear
And remain in your Heart Forever
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:46 AM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Speech Day Rehearsalsomehow the rehearsal reminded me of NDP... ahhhhhhh... miss NDP so much!!!! =( would gladly exchange Speech Day for once more of NDP.. haha.. hmmm... saw the fighter plane and chinokz izzit spelt lyk tt? haha.. anywaysaw them fly pass.. then think of NDP.. so much better than Speech Day lo.. the TICs all toot toot de.. dunno how to teacht he parade commander properly then fall in the supporting contingent and the GOH.. then hai us have to stand there under the sun so long.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... very sleepy.. ut need call ahroy.. wanna ask him if baby they all can wear their staff sergeant rank on saturday.. haha then very seh.. haha.. and cuz they not signing on.. then got no chance wear le... ahhhh... sleepy le.....
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:57 PM
In Schoolhmmm... in school rite now.. very sianz.. nth to do.. chinese period is totally boring.. supposed to go the wad zaobao to see news... budden is juz so sianz la.. anyway.. hmmm... something happened this morning.. at 1 plus.. over the phone.. shall not say wad is it abt.. hmmm... juz feeling really confused rite now.. and tt i am such a bitch.. its not even a month yet.. but it feels lyk years.. looking back.. i wonder how could i have been so foolish.. budden.. i still noe why i did it.. even though.... it was not really rite... i dunno la.. so such has happened... so much has changed.. i wish that aspect of my life would change too.. but i guess it would nv.. i mean the past will always be the past.. wondering.. future.. wad would my future be lyk.. it looks bleak..
looking at u now.. i wonder abt lot of stuff.. lyk why would u do wad u did.. why would u do such things.. i still dun understand.. do u have any idea the type of hurt u caused in ur frens.. more than juz anger towards u.. its a sense of disappointment.. u noe that.. i wonder why would u do these things.. u insist that ppl dun understand u.. that i dun understand u.. true.. i dun understand.. dun understand why would u do it the way u did it.. vecuz if it were up to me.. i wouldnt do it that way.. u keepsaying that u dunno.. but i dunno wad u dunno.. haven i told u everythign and made myself clear? i mean.. u say they are being cruel.. i agree.. words used are too harsh.. but they feel that if the words used are in anyway considerate to ur feelings its lyk u are juz still going to think that u are rite... it doesnt make sense.. i dunno la.. its lyk... u are really trying to d\find excuses for urself.. i tried so hard to not het irritated with u.. but each time that u say that u understand.. u actualyl dun understand anythiugn at all.. i get a feeling lyk u are juz trying to fu yan us u noe.. and dun tell me that u dun feel that if things are repeated again and again it does not feel fake to u.. its lyk if u say u are upset and it hurt ur frenship.. then its a personal thing.. u dun tell one person i love and turn around and tell someone else the same thing.. to me i feel that way la.. and i am not the only one lo.. honestly.. i keep telling u that now is not the time to do anyhtign.. its lyk they are not receptive to ur change.. no matter wad u do it will not make a difference.. do u get it??? i dun think u do.. u keep saying that u dunno wad to do.. so i am telling wad is going on.. but u dun wan to do wad i have told u.. and u insist that u dunno.. i dun think there is anyway that we can help u la.. all of us have been very patient lo.. but then each of us have got a limit to our patience too.. they have run out of patience.. budden i am still here trying to help... so i would appreciate it if u dun lyk tell me thanks for telling me this and i will change and turn around to complain to someone else abt me la.. thats juz very two-faced and fake and damn disgusting...
nth much else to say le..
Loving someone without a reason is the Greatest Love.
Because whatever wrong that person does,
Because however that person changes,
You do not need a reason to continue loving him.
Loving someone without a reason is the Weakest Love.
Because once you feel that you do not love him anymore,
You cannot find a reason to love him again.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:37 AM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Coco Restauranterm.. today went to Coco Restaurant to eat.. recommended by royston.. went with royston lishi rujin jean serene josephine xinyi yuyan jacques yinzhi wenjie yinhau nicholas... quite fun.. budden... erm.. i kinda enjoyed it la.. although i wasnt really paying much attention.. somehow my heart juz wasnt into lo.. was very late today.. cuz.. went out without taking royston's present.. then went back home to take.. budden found out nv bring phone.. so go back again.. then when board the train realise nv bring lishi's present.. very shag.. my life's boring.. nth much already.. hmmm.. wanna blog oso dun really noe wad to blog abt.. usualy dun blog abt wad i do.. but wad i feel.. everytime feel sth different will blog abt it.. budden... recently not feeling anythign le.. juz... very empty.. even more empty than b4.. i dunno... dunno many things recently.. oso dunno why.. getting headache very often.. dunno why... i keep getting this cold empty feeling thats juz not rite.. how can it be that even though u are in a roomful of people who are happily eating steamboat u can still feel that its very cold.. and that u get this incredibly lonely feeling.. as if u are all alone.. it doesnt make sense at all.. my life dun make much sense recently... i dunno why.. when can i go back to the time when we are happily together... i mean not when we are together... but the feeling i got while we are together... i feeling that there's sth in my life to work for.. and that i am not alone...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:20 PM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Hmmm...haha.. ig et wad u mean faifai... budden.. haha.. wad i wan is not St. John Ambulance Brigade.. haha.. wad i wan is St. John Ambulance Brigade Zone 8 Chung Cheng Corp... becuz thats wad impt to me.. haha.. i look at the crisis that Bedok South is facing now and i think.. few months ago.. that could have been us.. if royston and yuyan they all did not come back.. that could very well be us now.. i look at my sec 3s and i think.. omg.. they are relying on the officers for everything.. wad are they going to do if royston disappears lyk he did last time.. even though that will not happen.. i believe not in SJAB.. but in SJAB Chung Cheng Corp.. even though it all boils down to the same thing.. becuz without SJAB.. Chung Cheng Corp would oso cease to exist.. but ultimatly my loyalty lies in Cung Cheng Corp... and i dun lyk the way things are lyk in my corp now.. the promises they made to me seems very far away.. actions show otherwise.. i look at the CMC-to-be in my batch and i see royston in them.. i wonder.. if this carries on.. wad will my TIC do? the two new TICs dun seem to be very concerned abt SJ.. i seriously doubt the future of their cooperation.. no one understands.. i tot some of them did.. but they din.. they make me feel lyk i am very selfish to leave.. the words said to me make feel me guilty.. if they fail to understand each other.. i dun see how long this forced.. tensed cooperaton of theirs is going to last.. i think of my previous TIC who left SJ to join the Green Club.. i wonder why would she leave.. i cant help but think that stories spread.. that she heard of our previous treatment of our TIC and decided that she dun wanna go thru that.. even though we dun do that anymore.. at least i dun think so.. u ppl think i am making a mountian out of a mole hill.. but how many can understand the consequences of these actions of urs.. the small eye rolling movement and that snort of disbelieve and been noted by ppl who should not see them.. its lyk a vicious cycle.. i wonder when will it ever end... officers are very important in a corp.. but the TIC is more impt... without officers.. the corp can suvive with a good CEC and a good TIC.. but without a TIC.. no matter how good the Officers are.. how good the CMC CEC can be.. the corp cannot survive.. cant any of u see that.. why do u all fail to see this???
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
8:41 AM
Thoughts...hmmm... recently thinking abt lots of things.. haha.. and then i keeping saying i dunno.. haha.. driving some ppl crazy le.. hmmm... wondering did i make the rite choice telling u i dun wanna sign on.. hmm... haha.. i regret not signing on le!!! budden.. if i sign on i will regret signing on seeing the situation now.. zzzzzzzzzz... is a lose-lose situation for me lehz.. oh.. dun think so much can le.. hor? budden easy to say hard to do wor.. zzzzzzzzz... sumtyms.. we say things without thinking thru the impact of our words.. and we may hurt ppl thru that.. i think i'll survive.. lyk.. ya.. will survive.. haha.. i believe i can get used to being alone again.. haha.. lyk the song Yi Ge Ren Sheng Huo.. single.. again.. hmm.. ahhh.. having a number of relationships doesnt mean u will not get hurt.. zzzzzzzz... really wish we din go out so often.. din make so many promises to each other.. so now not everthing that happen will make me think of u.. haha.. i'll get over it.. i believe.. have faith in myself wor.. haha.. lalala..
life dun rox..
but it din sux either..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:10 AM
