Saturday, November 12, 2005
OMG!!! i think alvin n amanda stead.. aiyo.. both oso dun wan to tell.. but lyk.. dun wan tell them dun so obvious ma.. evil lynn n evil amanda.. dun wan tell me.. wad kind of frens r u.. tsk tsk tsk.. frens r for sharing secrets ma.. cant believe they two together.. aiyo.. so now sj got 2 couples liao.. alvin n amanda... lynn n wen jie.. but lynn n wen jie not comfirm.. cannot stand them.. make things so complicated...
hmmm.. juz when i decided to trust u again.. to let someone back into my life.. u hurt me.. unknowingly as it is.. it still hurt loads.. i fell flat onmy face.. how i wish i din try so hard to let some1 else into my life.. i feel lyk my life has juz shattered in front of me.. i cried in front of the sj gals.. in 3 yrs of their knowing me i dun think they ever saw me break down lyk before nitac camp n juz now.. i dun wan to pick up the pieces anymore.. so tried of doing so.. i am juz going to walk away n leave them there.. until perhaps one day when i feel that i am once again strong enough.. i will turn back to here n pick up the pieces i left.. i noe i am runnign away frm y problems.. sth i told myself not to do.. n sth i told others not to.. but i am so tired of having to pick up pieces of my life after being hurt this year.. after falling n climbing up so many times this year.. i juz wanna lie there n rot..
i feel lyk killing myself.. ending all my pain.. how long is this terrible nightmare going to last?then i am going to carry all my secrets into my grave.. in my grave.. no one's going to be able to betray me.. no one's going to be able to hurt me.. lonely as i will be.. at least i am not going to get hurt..
n oso i am swearing off guys for as long as i can imagine.. i hate guys.. not worth me caring.. dun wanna get hurt.. so me not goign to stead with jun wei.. :)
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
1:05 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
hmmm.. i very long nv blog liao.. cuz so many things happened.. now hor.. i am in danger of being retained.. still on probation sia.. wad am i going to do?!?! feel so sad.. should have worked harder in the beginning of the year.. then now wun lyk tt.. hmmm.. stress arh.. sms-ing jun wei now.. he say he lyk me wanna go stead with me.. but i dunno lehz.. after so many things happen.. i am so afraid to lyk someone.. wad if he hut me again.. jess say i should learn to trust again.. otherwise if i dun give anyone a chance how am i going to prove to myself tt there r still good guys out there.. but i am juz so scared tt they will hurt me again.. haiz..
hmmm.. i should talk abt happier things.. haha.. the sj ppl r saying abt me n royston.. me n alvin.. so funny.. i look lyk i lyk them meh.. so funny.. stressing abt hw... sianz.. haha..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:21 AM
