Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Boyfriend/Boy Friend
i am really losing my mind.. how can it be possible that i put myself in this position time and again? do i lyk being here? no! then y izzit i always let myself be here? its not that i dun wan a bf.. i shld make myself clear that time.. inmy sms.. its not that i dun wan.. i dun dare.. i think i have enough guys who hurt me.. knowingly or unknowingly.. it is oso not that i did not hurt them.. i did.. and in this crucial year.. i dun wan things lyk a relationship to jeopardize our studies.. we can make promises.. but it has all been broken.. i for one cannot be sure that now i can plegde my love to u foreva.. not at this period of time.. maybe later.. when we are all more matured.. but now? i dun even trust myself to say that i will love u foreva.. for now yes.. foreva? i am not sure.. i dun wan to wake up one morning and realise that i dun lyk u anymore.. i really cannot get hurt again... not now... i cannot afford to go thru another emotional rollercoaster lyk i did in sec 2 and 3 .. i cannot let anyone hurt me again... i will have an emotional breakdown.. something i cannot let myself go thru in the coming period of o lvl.. how prepared are u to accept me for who i am? to be able to accept that i can be clse with other guys.. can u give me the freedom i wan and the freedom that i can give u? i do not need u to be with me 24/7... i believe that we each need our own space... are u ready to accpet a gal that do not need u 2/7.. for a gal who may not want to be with u 24/7? i still have a lot of things that i wan to do that i have not done... i am not prepared to give up the freedom i have in my limited time as a teenager.. are u? when u and i have more time.. and are more ready to commit to a relationship then we talk abt it.. for now i dun wanna ruin my friendship with u.. i dun wanna go thru another break up... i am sorry..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
11:52 AM
