Monday, March 05, 2007
Itz Juz All Abt Mehmmm... i'm gonna talk abt me and my feelings... and how much i dun lyk me.. =D so ya... wadeva... juz some crap...
btw... random tots.... look at urself b4 u criticize others pls... i see u gushing abt ur bf ALOT oso... and ooooh how i hate my detractors... esp ppl who dun look at themselves b4 criticizing me.... i guess jealousy does alot huh... =D i'm being super BHB but forgive =p i'm a very childish person...
another random tot... ppl seem to think i'm older than my age by alot... even deardear tink so... i shall elaborate later... so me being childish is not good... yucky... i dun lyk it...
ok... back to wad i started this post abt...
yesterday was zhiliang's bdae... or kent rather... =) chinese name too long... =x so ya...
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KENT!!!!even though i was at ur party yesterday la... =) but i din wsh u happy bdae... becoz... well... u din seem to hear me when i said hi... this is the sad part abt attending ur bf's fren bdae... u dun noe each other well dun juz... well dun really noe wad to say... at least... well kent is a frenly and nice guy... =) he did try to engage me in a conversation without being detracting... =)
another random tot... i love the word 'detract' and variations of it... cuz i found out many of my frens dunno wad it means!!! makes me feel damn pro to noe the word... i really dun care if u noe it or not... u... yes u.... my detractor... =) i told u i love the word... i feel so shuang noeing it... i'm such a little freak.. =D
anyway.... i dun understand if u do stupid things to my bf in front of me wad am i supposed to do... anyone can teach me? if i pretend not too care its lyk really bad.... but wad CAN i say... i dun really noe u guys well huh? it seems lyk everyone there noe each other for lyk years... and i have nv met anyone of them b4... the feeling sux...
i dun lyk the way i react to ppl... it seems lyk i can nv get pass my past huh.... i wish i could forget all those things that happened... so i wouldnt be so wary of ppl... lyk i need an hour to seize someone up at least and deduce whether this person is nice or not..... and whether i can make frens with that person... years of honing this skill has allowed me to to give the verdict of whether someone is even worth my time of seizing him up within 5 mins of looking at the person...
i guess u can run away from many things but not urself ba.... wad happened to that cheerful gal who can make frens with anyone... who has frens everywhere? for the past year i have been treating so many ppl with such a horrible attitude even i am appalled by myself...
i'm not really as tough as i seem... the confidence i seem to have is nothing but a facade... wad happened recently that i read affected me so much that i can hardly keep the mask up.... usually i would have done pretty well or at least seem to be at ease among the ppl that i dunno... but i can barely keep the pained expression off my face...
putting ppl at ease ard me used to be sth i was able to do with ease... but now i am not even at peace with myself... din help that it seems each time i met kent i have a quarrel with my parents... jolvin was rite... i din used to be so cold... wad happened to the bubbly gal during the skating lessons? shearn was part of her disappearance... sj... camp... and benson was another part.... that person was another part... i'll see who gets the shotgun... xp...
i miss her so much... she made my life so much easier... i wish i could find her.... but from where should i start? i need so much help.........
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:46 PM
