Friday, March 09, 2007
Perhaps...maybe i'm juz thinking too much... or i'm juz asking too much... i dunno... as if i dun spend enough time thinking of u... i think i'm asking too much... yup... perhaps thats it... i read somewhere that says that relationships work better when the guy loves the gal more than she love him... i dunno if that is true... i hope itz not... otherwise the result will be nasty...
i've nv felt so much... or hurt so deep... how come i cant stop the tears? the first time i tried to let u go? i din noe i was crying till i touched my face... that was the very first time i cried saying the 3 dreaded words....
i guess... perhaps... i expected too much...
or maybe i rushed without knowing u... even though i noe u for more than half a year before we went out... how much do i noe abt u? not much really... maybe i gave myself to u too quickly... i once said... i would trust a stranger with my life, but no one with me... i did wrong then... by trusting u too quickly... i made a mistake.... the mistake i tried so hard to avoid... yet i did it...
i nv felt i expected too much... i nv wanted too much... in fact... it was becuz i wanted too little that got me into trouble the last time... so am i wrong this time?
or perhaps itz cuz u are older? u had more experience... u've been in love... and love izznt that much of a big deal to u as it is to me...
9th of august is juz impt a day to me as 6th of august is... but i guess... u wun really care huh?
this is the first relationship i'm in that i am so not secure... i really really feel very insecure in this relationship... perhaps itz cuz i'm out of my depth this time... perhaps is cuz... for the first time... i think this is really impt to me... more than it is to u...
i noe that at the beginning... u dun really think much of us being tgt... in fact... i dun think u were really serious it first... maybe now u are... but... the fatc that u were not really hurt me alot... and becuz of that... sometimes i cant help but wonder... are u serious abt it NOW? u assure me that u are... u try so hard to convince me that u are... but becuz of wad happened at first... u make me wonder whether u love me becuz u love me... or becuz i am ur gf therefore u love me?
i noe one thing is for sure... u started loving me becuz i am ur gf... and not b4... i guess... wad does last time matter... wad matters is that now u love me... now i am the gal who makes u feel committed... the first gal to do so...
but i think i'm juz pure stupid....
come live in my heart and pay no rent? i dun think so anymore... i think u need to start paying... becuz i dun think i can go on much longer giving and not taking...
and u said i dun care... the irony of it... i've given it alot of tot... maybe... our age difference is too big... and wad we wan is too different...
if i could turn back time... i dun wanna be one of the three gals... i would rather i nv kept in contact with u... that u juz became one of the guys whom i noe... who catch my attention... and a guy who i lost contact with... i would rather u nv be with candy... and be with yuhui... and nv get a chance to be with me...
but now... itz all too late... i love u... and i cant help it... i have u... and i dun wanna let u go... so in the end... i am who i am now... at ur mercy... becuz i need u... becuz despite all... i love u... love is the drug... and ur my addiction... without u... i cannot live... but i cant say the same for u...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:12 PM
