Monday, September 21, 2009

Ok... Many things happened recently, but since i din blog for so long tts lyk an understatement. =x haha...

lets see, firstly, in june i went clubbing with sy, lays and eve. Was ok lo.. At Rebel and this 2 groups of malay guys fighting knocked onto us and things were abit chaotic. Sy's fren got real drunk and cute. Haha..

The rest was pretty boring la, nothing much happening. But on 11th September something pretty major happened. I dun know where else I can talk about how I feel so I guess an abandoned blog is a good place to start. Me and Issac got into an accident with a bus. Motorbike VS Bus. I think it is pretty obvious who came off worse.

Not many people know about this incident and I do not really intend to tell them. I guess I dun really know where to start from. I dun even remember much about it, and if I tell them that I was in an accident everyone wants to know what happened. I'm not seriously injured or anything like that. It's juz that every time I think back on the incident i feel very stressed. No matter how hard I try to remember what happened, it's like the more time pass the less I remember and the emptiness in my chest seem to grow bigger.

At first, I couldnt sleep at night. Every time I close my eyes I see the bus coming towards us or I can feel the pain when the nurse clean my wounds. Every night when I sleep I dream of the accident. Except that I dun remember anything when I wake up. Now, at least I dun dream of the accident anymore. I juz dream of scary dreams and wake up terrified. Haiz, hope everything will be over soon...

My wound looks scary tho. It looks gross and yucky. I peeked at the doctor's report and it says that the wound is infected. My heart almost dropped out. Once when they opened the wound it was like secreting black stuff out. I juz feel so helpless and confused. Maybe thats why doctors have horrible handwriting, so that patients cannot peek and freak themselves out.

The wound feels better now tho, tender but better. Hopefully tml when they change the dressing it will be much much better. Maybe it will all be healed. I hope. It's been so hard for me to write all these down. Altho I no longer feel like crying when I think of the accident, the empty feeling I get cant seem to go away. I dun think I can ever ride a bike again. Now, sitting in the front seat of a car makes me terrified. Every time another car cuts into out lane I'm terrified we will hit it. I brace myself for the impact each time that occurs and it's wearing me out to be so tensed all the time. At least if I seat in the back seat I can concentrate on other things.

I juz wish for everything to be over and everything to be back the same it was. Hopefully, there wun be any scaring.