Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Messed Up DayToday, school was tough. I'm so tired of everything. Worried about the next time I'm gonna lose control, worried about the distance growing between us, worried about school, worried about work. Not working again this weekend. Eating grass next month.
Broke down in school day. First thing in the morning I stepped into class and felt the world spinning away. Got emo again and went out of SMM crying like shit. Luckily I managed to collect myself in time and joined the class again. Then during LERM got my results back, wondered what's happening to my life, went out of class, cried again. I feel that I can longer hold back my tears. They juz slip out whenever they want to and I cannot stop them. Cried on the train on the way home juz now. Feeling like crap, no idea wad happened. Dun even know wad made me start crying. Called Lishi during LERM and she rushed over to find me. Scared the shit out of her cuz I dun think she ever saw me cry like that before. Eve came out to look for me. I think I hurt her feelings cuz I din confide in her. But I know she doesnt want to know about them.
Things have been weird between me and Eve. Today I finally find out why she's mad. She thinks me and Qiyuan are like headed for disaster and then we will like breakup or shit and she dun wanna be forced to take sides cuz she's both our frens. But the thing is, things are different now. Me and Qiyuan, we're not even together how to break up? Nothing will spoil the things between me and him cuz we already came to a conclusion on what to do. Otherwise Frostie will never be bought in the first place. Buying him was not a rash decision that we made. Things are not complicated at all. When you look at it in the beginning it is. If you want to strictly classify everything into catergories, it is. But if things continue as they do, it isnt.
I cut alot of lessons to spend time with Issac. My results sucks. I dunno how am I going to make it better but... I guess I can only try.
Growing more and more afraid everyday. Dreading the next time I lose control. I'm terrified.
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
5:47 PM
