Wednesday, September 07, 2005
hmmm.. had a long talk with guan wei today.. cleared up so many things.. but i still think the damage is done.. we can no longer be as one again.. all those crap abt bonding us.. u think by saying all those things to us u r helping us? i noe i am being unreasonable.. things btw me n guan wei is not entirely their fault.. but it is easier convincing myself that they r the cause of everything.. though if we had chosen to be neutral it wouldnt have been so bad.. i juz dunno lahz.. so tired of it.. everytime we r in the same room the tension will rise.. it's not btw me n guan wei anymore.. it's abt our squad.. as one.. but how can anything be alrite again? i dunno..
lishi's gonna kill me for saying this but i think my quitting will help.. cuz i dun see how we can fuction efficently as NCOs when we cannot get along.. n its affecting everyone.. when it was btw me n guan wei i could pretend nth happened.. now its not only me.. its everyone.. i cant run away from it anymore.. my departure i believe will help everyone.. my squad as NCOs n me n guan wei as individual.. i din wanna say anything abt it.. but the injustice of it all juz pissed me off.. i feel so prejuiced against.. n helpless against it..
perhaps one day me n guan wei n finally ease the tension off..
perhaps one day we can look back at it as a misadventure..
perhaps one day we can look but n laugh abt it..
perhaps it is foolhardy to think lyk tt..
but i think it is is the only way to ease the building tension..
but for tt day to happen.. we all need to cool off.. n i can only think of one way out..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
12:30 PM
