Saturday, April 15, 2006
Blogging Diarrhea
i am juz absolutely bored so started blogging.. i am juz going to type wadeva that comes to mind so i am not going to make much sense... i juz realise that i am not being truthful in my own blog..
the emptiess is growing.. the hurt is growing.. but i still cannot rmb wad is the hurt abt.. i tried to pretend that nth is happening juz by laming aroung but i am failing miseribly.. i keep think of him and his gf.. it is so easy to say that becuz i love u i am not going to intrude upon ur relationship... but i still cannot let u go.. i keep thinking... i keep hurting.. sth else is adding on to the hurt.. but i dun rmb wad.. i dun noe wad...
i think he lyk me.. frm the things he has been doing.. he will be a great bf.. but do i lyk him.. i say i dun lyk him.. but that is not true.. i think that perhaps that little part of me actually do hope that we can be more than frens.. or am i juz trying find a replacement for u? i say i lyk him.. but how can i? lyking u so much yet finding a place for him.. i honestly ask myself if i lyk him.. i dunno.. i really dunno...
they juz broke up.. the guy who seemed so unfaithful... who had attracted me so much tt time.. i feel so evil but i feel a little bit of gladness.. that perhaps he may lyk me.. but i dun think that is possible..and i dun even lyk him.. y wld i wan him to lyk me? but more imptly.. at least this way she wun be hurt again.. the way he treated her was lyk shit.. they seem so loving in front of ppl but the things he does behind her back is juz plain terrible...
i am so tired of being ps-ed.. i shld go back to being wad i was last time.. dun ask ppl out.. wait for them to ask me out..then at least can be sure that not one kanna ps.. cuz i dun ps my frens one k.. i dunno y they lyk to ps ppl... esp some ppl who nv keep their promises.. promises are not meant to be broken.. they r made to be kept k? so dun break ur promises again..
suffering from mood swings recently.. sorry to all my fens who got to take that crap from me.. but well.. going thru one of my most emotional phrases these few month.. i am so sorry.. trying really hard to curb my temper.. sorry... sorry to royston whom i call in the middle of the nite to kp to.. sorry to lynn for getting angry at u over dumb things lyk adri.. sorry to lishi for my inabilty to tolerate ur ditziness.. sorry to louisa for my lack of understanding to ur tardiess.. and sorry to every single perosn who i have offended due to my selfishiness and my neglect of ur feelings.. to shining and yu yan.. my most sincere apologise for insulting u guys..
i wanna thank all the ppl who has helped me throughout these times.. i nv had a proper nite of sleep cuz of everything that is happening and i thank all my frens who oso stayed up with me to pei me throughout the nite.. esp royston.. gave me invaluable advise from time to time.. he is always there when i need someone to talk to to kp to and to share my joys with.. always patient with me... though i noe i do get on ur nerves... but u nv let me feel neglected... another one i wan to thanks is jolvin.. his crapping cheered me up at the time when i needed it most.. stayed awake with me at nite to talk to me.. even though i keep taking so long to reply his sms.. thanks alvin for taking my crap in sj.. and for nv throwing his temper on me even when i was purposely being unreasonable.. thanks lynn.. for ur beautiful pair of listening ears.. u can have mine when u wan them too.. thanks carmen.. for being the only one who can bear to tolerate my lameness and talk to me abt boxers and healthy sperms..
this maybe my longest post ever... well.. i feel so much better after this blogging diarrhea.. pulling on my pants and flushing to drain away all these unhappiness.. watching them slowly disappear as i start a new phrase of my life.. i hope..
i am a happier person... cheers to the bright future.. i hope.. i will forget u one day... with or without his help.. rock on... X )
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
9:58 PM
