Friday, June 23, 2006
POPwell... yesterday was my POP... so now i am not i sj le!! haha.. cannot say i really happy la.. cuz well.. feel lyk something's missing from my life now.. budden cannot say not happy oso.. its not lyk my not continuing in sj is a sad thing la.. cuz well.. it did cuz me a load of heartache la.. haha.. hmm.. when i got the letter of discharge i was a bit shock la.. lyk.. oh this is finally here.. me not in sj le!!!! haha.. budden it was also relief ba.. cuz.. haha.. discharge means i dun have to worry abt my decisions.. so yupyup.. good and bad thing together.. these 4 years have been great.. and i think we have all been really happy together.. whether kana pumped by ahroy.. or crawling thru the mud together.. when we were cursing the officers in the toilets and bunks when changing.. and even when we were at our last during the POP.. the very last fall in we did together and ahroy broke down.. all memories i will hold close to my heart.. becuz sj gave me a lot even though it took away alot.. but wad i got weighed more than wad i lost.. without sj i wouldnt have gotten to noe u amazing ppl.. yupyup.. and i oso wouldnt have gotten to noe the guy whom i love so much now.. if not for sj and its combine camps.. haha.. and ms adri included.. yesterda marked the end of one of the most impt thing in my life.. juz as another impt thing to me ended on the 7th of june.. maybe its thru.. that 06/06/06 is a really unlucky day.. haha.. juz that in my case it was slightly lag 24h.. haha.. cuz well.. the seed of the end was planted in 06/06/06.. it juz continued to 07/06/06 when it ended.. i was wrong.. i am so sorry.. i mean to hurt u with wad i said yesterday.. but dear do i miss u so much.. u made me happiest when i was with u.. and now that u are gone.. i feel lost.. if not for my dear frens.. alvin told me to not say i am happy when i am not.. not smile when i feel lyk crying.. not to say i am fine when i am not.. and nv to say i feel good when i dun.. but if i dun do that.. wouldnt everyone be as upset as me.. it was terrible to go thru those days where i could see u.. think of the things that we have done.. even though wad we did was wrong.. to miss u so terribly and wish i was back in ur arms.. but had to pretend that i didnt noe u.. had to see other gals fall in love with u.. flirt with u.. and pretend i dun care.. that it din hurt.. and yet no one can understand how i feel.. becuz no one noes.. i didnt mean to hurt u with my words last nite.. but i really really hope that we could be back together again.. meant wad i said to u.. but i juz din mean to hurt u.. if u dun wan to get back with me juz tell me that u dun lyk me.. and so i can let u go slowly.. dun tell me that u cannot say that u dun lyk me.. yet leave me hanging here.. pls dun be so cruel.. becuz i still miss u and i am still hurting.. becuz i let u go when i told u everything.. becuz i tot i could let u go.. i juz din realise that it would be so difficult..
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:04 AM
