Sunday, June 03, 2007
A Huge Blow...
i haven blogged for a couple of days... thats quite long for me lehz... haha... and today... i'm blogging becuz sth happened... something lyk my grandpa died... ya... and... sth else...
all i wanted was someone to tell me itz not my fault that had to see the doctor pull the plug... that i wasnt wrong in choosing u over my grandpa... when i knew i should have gone down when my dad called... but i din... i hesistated... cuz my first tot was wad are u gonna do... i juz wanted u to hold me and tell me itz gonna be alrite... even tho now i dun have to refuse to go down to my grandpa hse with my mum cuz of u... that my mum din have to go down to play mahjong with my grandpa.. cuz he izznt gonna play mahjong no more...
but u din do that... not only u din... u shunned my touch... u shied away whenever i tried to get near... u turned away when i tried to touch u... i've been so stupid... i even brought u to see my family... too stupid...
but i should be used to it rite? becuz whoever tot of comforting jiehui? everytime sth happens.. i'm always the last anyone think of comforting... cuz i'm supposed to be strong rite? it has been lyk that... and it will go on to be...
if i was me.. i'll be there for u no matter how awkward it was... becuz no matter how uncomfortable i was everytime.. i still thickened my skin and stayed thruout.. or maybe i juz have thick skin.. haha... simply bu yao lian rite? thats me izznt it? shameless... ya.. i agree... thats wad i am wad... stupid and shameless
y am i juz crying and crying... but i dun feel better... y does the person crying not feel lyk me? y when i need u most... all u did was stand and stare at me? y the only person i tot could depend on betray me? y did u walk away and not turn back.. y dun u ever look back... y did u walk so fast away lyk u can get away from me fast enough? y muz i always be strong? y at the end of the day... i still find myself all alone...
y does the pain and hurt weigh upon me and make me feel lyk i'm gonna die for it... y do i see everyone caring for each other but not for me?
y at the end of the day... i'm alone in my room... crying to my computer... telling everyone who has access to the internet my feelings... and probably get some more ppl to flame me on my blog?
y after everything's said and done... i'm still alone...
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
2:57 PM
