Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Whats Wrong With Me?

ok... i noe i hurt ur feelings when i said it... but u noe wad? i really dun care... neither am i sorry that i said it... becuz u noe wad? u have no rite to feel that i was rude and unreasonable... or even raise ur voice at me... all these times the things u said to me and did to me... i kept it quiet and nv once did i tell anyone... there are times that i couldnt take it and and do confide in others... but i nv say the things that really really really hurt me...

everytime u degrade and embarrass me... i merely smile and act stupid... becuz i still RESPECT u... but u always say i dun... normally i would nv have said wad i said... but when i did juz now... i finally struck me how much ur words have hurt me... juz becuz i always smile and act crazy doesnt mean nth gets thru... u speak without consideration of my feelings... and for once... i did the same...

hurt u? anger u? hate me? wadeva... becuz... i've been living this life that i hate for so long... i hate myself... u noe how it feels to hate urself so much? to despise urself becuz u owe everythign to them... to feel inferior all the time...

looks can be deceiving... ppl always think i'm the kind of ah lian who smokes drink and club all the time.. but anyone who noes me will noe i'm not lyk tt at all... i'm juz slightly louder wilder and more open than other average ppl... but lyk every other average person... i get hurt too... yet i have to always face u...

i dun understand how can u be so considerate to others when u ur own daughter... ur worse than crap... i really dun get it...

i said i found out things abt myself... yup... i realised that i really din care... i din care if u noe wad i'm doing... becuz rite now... ur views dun matter anymore... doesnt it hurt u that half the time u have no idea wad ur daughter is doing? no... not half the time.. ALL the time... doesnt it hurt u when u see other parents with their kids with them and think where's my own child?

i do... i get so jealous when ppl tell me they are going out with their parents... i am so envious of other kids who can tell their parents everything... i feel sad... when my frens tell me their parents say they dun have to go school cuz their sick...

becuz...these are thigns that we nv do... but to be honest? now i really rather we dun interact so much... at least we can be polite to each other... recently there has been no sad posts in my blog... becuz i am hardly ever home... and... i dunno... i'm really tired...

i noe someone is gonna Da Xiao Bao Gao again... but this time i'm really upset i can cant keep this in me... I HATE U