Tuesday, September 29, 2009

On a whim, I decided to visit your FB page today, I suddenly realised how much I used to love you. You were my best fren, I accepted you when others did not. I befriended you when others shied away, but in order to get closer to my frens, you sacrificed me. You bad-mouthed me to your frens whom YOU introduced to me in fear that they would prefer me over you. You bad-mouthed me to MY frens so that they will prefer YOU over ME. You made my life miserable. I could not forgive you for it. I hated you so much for ruining my life and I hated my frens who din trust me.

Unbeknown to me, I carried the hate for so many years within me.

I couldn't understand why you could do this to me. I loved you so much and cared for you so much. I couldn't always be there for you like you wanted me to, but I know I tried. I couldn't get over the way you treated me and I buried the hurt within me. All these time I distanced myself from you and the frens who treated me so contemptuously because of you. I know in the end they tried to make it up to me. But I told myself I din need frens who din trust me. Not even enough to to let me defend myself or explain myself or even let them know that wad you said were lies.

These I carried until now. You made me lose my faith in frens and I lost myself many many frenships that would have been lasting.

But today, I let go of everything. I forgive you for treating me like crap, for my frens who gave up on me, and even your sis and ex-bf who was ridiculous to flame me on this very blog. Because only now have I allowed myself to see that all those years ago, justice has actually been served and they have seen you for what you are. Everything ended years and years ago and its time for me to let go too.

You are not the first to have treated me like that. My stupidity lies in allowing people like you to hurt me time and again. But to me you hurt the most because you made me your stepping stone when I trusted and cared for you so much. I wasted so much time carrying these hate within me.

I know you are supposed to first forgive and then forget. Over these years I have forgotten.

But today...

I forgive.

I have forgiven...