Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Screwed UpAs the days go by and more things happen, I hate my life more. Somehow you have managed to poison the minds of the people around me. The more I find out, the more dead I feel.
I feel horrible seeing you. Knowing the things you say, wondering how you could say them, feeling like a used idiot. Going to school everyday is a torture. Everyday, as each minute pass, it feels like it is counting down to more heartache.
I cannot face walking into class, staying in class and school like everything is okay.
I feel happiest when I'm in Malaysia. When there is nothing for me to think about. Not about school, not about work, not about money, not about family, not about friends. Everyday, all I have to do is look after Frostie. I know I keep complaining about everything even when I'm there, but honestly? I feel most at ease and happiest there.
I know by going there so often I'm simply running away. It's stupid and irresponsible and it won't solve anything. But it makes me feel so much better. Every week, my only highlight is going over there and seeing Frostie. I live everyday just for the weekends to come and for me to go over. Every monday, I feel like crap.
But it seems, my time there, has to lessen significantly. For these 2 weeks, I won't be able to see Frostie. This week, I think I shouldn't go over. Next week, they will be at their hometown. How am I going to get pass these 2 weeks?
Suddenly I feel like the light has gone out of my life.
It turns out you were lying to me too. Until now, still lying. Why am I so stupid as to still believe you???
My World. My Life. My Rules.
xoxo nikki
3:12 PM
